It brings me great pleasure to introduce the latest member of the Our Thursday team. He has been an honorary member from the beginning with his constant appearance in our stories such a the first and third hair cut bets, my sprint to become the Supreme Leader of the world, or the audacious moments . . . → Read More: Rock On Dustin Helvig!
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Here at Our Thursday we have decided to do monthly themes in addition to our usual writing. This months theme of course is Valentine’s Day. Here is my submission… In the year 2000 I had discovered my identity. It had eluded me for many years with some pretty impressive guerilla tactics but a new era had to begin. It was that time of year again at Simi Valley High School to prove who was the most popular and well liked. Student body elections. I do not think there is a need to go into great detail of how this process works as it has been done by almost every teenage TV show and it has definitely been done by “Saved by the Bell” at least five times, including the “college years” period of that influential TV show. In brief, these elections allow the student body to elect fellow students to facilitate as puppets and spies for the faculty so the proletariat (students) do not start thinking they have no control over their schooling. To be president does not give you any power other than saying you are president and you can put it on your university applications. This time of year irritated me and something had to be done to illustrate the ridiculousness of it all. So I concocted a plan. The Dutch (people from Holland/Netherlands) I have always found to be interesting. Initially it was for the superficial reasons of their very open drug policies. But if you can avoid the temptations, and maintain a keen eye towards the very specific way in which they live their lives, there is something to behold that is worth absorbing. Granted, I have only visited three times, and in no way can I offer an accurate commentary. But I cannot do that even for places that I am extremely familiar with. Here in England, it is common language to use the word ‘pinch’ meaning to steal. So it was quite natural to see the twisted looks of confusion on my cousins faces as I described to them the term ‘pinching a loaf’. If you have not heard of this term, it means to take a poop. Get it? None the less, this conversation reminded me of a time in high school that needs to be documented, of a video we made where I truly pinched a loaf in all understandings of the word. Of all the holidays, Halloween is my favorite. Without a question. I think that for many of those who read this, they would find Halloween to be at least in their top three holidays. It has all of the main components that people think of when trying to asses the quality of a holiday. As a youth you enjoy the candy and pumpkin carving. As a teenager you enjoy the race of going to every house in a five mile square radius. As a young adult you enjoy the sexy costumes that your female companions feel obliged to wear. As a parent you enjoy the candy your children gather for you as well as scaring the shit out of little kids that show up on your doorstep as you jump out of a dark corner with candy in your hands. It is a life long enjoyment that changes with the ages. However in England, the country trying so hard to emulate the United States, Halloween remains to be a major holiday and for this they will never attain their goal of becoming a global power. It seems that I am giving out the wrong impression of my attitude towards animals. Just because I have indirectly been involved with a cat abortion and I have directly been involved with a hamster slaying, that doesn’t mean that I hate all our animal brethren. In fact, I am a dope for animals. I have had many animals in my day and likely more than you! How far are you willing to go to make a little extra cash? I have already talked about the very talented Thai girls who seem to be OK with (or are forced) to make some serious social and moral adjustments. I struggle to imagine the sums of money that would be needed for me to join those entertainers. But I am sure we can all think of some time when we have done something that we know we shouldn’t have done but since we had enough money pushed in our face, we went against our best judgement. I would love to hear your examples of doing just this but for now, it is my turn. This is the story of how I killed my best friends hamster for $5. Freshman year in university during the mandatory writing class, we were asked to write a short story. I was reading a lot of Hunter Thompson at the time and decided to try my luck at the great writer’s gonzo style. I decided to write about a true life experience that had happened right before this assignment. My marks were dismal, and what I thought to be an entertaining story, was ridiculed by the class and the teacher (who didn’t wear shoes). I struggled, apparently, with the form and function of my writing style which was the last thing on my mind as I wrote the story. Even my good friend Pat sent me to the ground with his critique and I must admit that at this point in my life I had decided that writing was not my thing and I should stick to the nerd world. (Funny enough, as well as Pat and I get along, I still think he hates my blogs, but that is another entry.) So now, in blog form, is the story of one of the stupidest things I have ever done. There will be no pictures unfortunately, probably for the better of everyone involved. I will not use the real names of the people to protect them even though I doubt they read this blog. Continue reading One of the Stupidest Things I Have Ever Done |
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