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How to Write a Hit Country Song

– Mention Merle Haggard and Hank Williams for credibility. 


– Remind people of things they’re familiar with – like Budlight and Jesus. 


– Sum up life with a quote from Grandpa. 


– Talk about how tough you were before you had kids. 


– Talk about how tough your wife is because she does all the mundane shit you don’t want to do – like packing lunches and cleaning diapers. Don’t be afraid to use the word “hero”.


– If you’re a guy, rewrite the song “Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel and talk about your tractor and your muddy boots. 


– If you’re a girl, rewrite the song “Jenny From the Block” by Jennifer Lopez and talk about your blue jeans. 


– Be proud of where you came from, as long as it’s nowhere enlightened and progressive. 


– Talk about how you thought you’d never settle down . . . until you settled down. 


– Don’t shave for four days and make fun of the uptight guy in the suit. 


– If you’re a girl, talk about drinking whiskey. 


– If you’re a guy, talk about your girl drinking whiskey. 


– Get defensive. So what if you like to go out and have a good time? So what if you like to drink a few beers on the weekend? Is that such a crime?


– Talk about how you like to raise a little cane. Not a lot of cane, just a little. 


– Talk about the summer time. 


– Reminisce about “simpler times”.


– Talk about your mistress, the rodeo. 


– Confuse people: 

  “I ain’t as good as I once was, but I’m as good once, as I ever was” – Toby Keith. 


– Talk about your modest life. 


– Don’t talk about the millions you’ve made singing about your modest life. 


-If you get stuck, use the following key words: truck, tractor, creek, preacher man, cottonwood, dirt road, open road, front porch, back woods, small town, honky-tonk, moonshine. 


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