15 Ways to Celebrate President’s Day

1. Grow a beard, wear a Lincoln hat. 2. Paint your house white and give tours. 3. Challenge someone to a duel. 4. Avoid all theaters, railroad stations, fairgrounds and Texas. 5. Wear wooden dentures and answer only to George. 6. Point at England on a globe and laugh. 7. Point at China on . . . → Read More: 15 Ways to Celebrate President’s Day

10 Things About Praying Mantises

Insects make many of us want to light ourselves on fire, and understandably so. Spiders (technically not insects but just go with it) are nightmares on eight legs that climb into your mouth while you sleep, and cockroaches are bullets of septic waste. June bugs float in your iced tea in the summer and . . . → Read More: 10 Things About Praying Mantises

That Song From That Commercial!

You know that song from that commercial where you think the woman is going dancing or to dinner theater because she talks about needing nylons, but instead she climbs a treacherous orange rock and looks out onto the vast landscape of Utah? Or Arizona? Either way, I found it!

It’s called Into the Wild . . . → Read More: That Song From That Commercial!

Goats, Chairs and Dulce de Cacahuate

All family, friends and freedom aside, here are some other things to be thankful for this holiday:

Kaleidoscopes

Goat Cheese and/or Goats

Artificial Hearts

Corn Candles

Aretha Franklin

Chairs

Baby Elephants

Suction Cups

People Named Gladys

. . . → Read More: Goats, Chairs and Dulce de Cacahuate

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

via Reporter-Club

It’s Thursday again and you know what the means! So please fill me in because I have no idea.

But what I do know is we’ve added 160 more pounds of raw, hairy manliness to Our Thursday! Prepare to fill your deepest emotional void with violence, German shepherds, Batman, neck beards, . . . → Read More: Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Apple Remains Crunchy

Steve Jobs died today and I’m having a rather unexpected reaction to it. Sad, inspired and confused — I wonder how a complete stranger can tap so vigorously my shoulder. Typing on my MacBook Pro at this very moment, I slide my fingers across the trackpad to multitask between writing this and discovering new . . . → Read More: Apple Remains Crunchy

Scary Strawberries

Strawberries for dinner tonight, Tuesday. Red, sweet, tart, nutritious strawberries make eating whimsical and delicate and happy. Place them in a bowl after washing, or in my case, place the colander in a larger bowl to catch the drippings because I can’t wait for them to dry. I can’t wait to eat these strawberries . . . → Read More: Scary Strawberries

Toothbrushes are Not for Sharing (Version 2.649)

Photo Credit: Vitó

The thing about tooth-brushing is that it rids our mouths of all the roughage and animal bi-products we put in there each day. There are remnants of In N’ Out and those Cheetos you secretly ate on the way home from the gym. Residue of morning coffee and lunchtime Diet . . . → Read More: Toothbrushes are Not for Sharing (Version 2.649)

“and besides, blonds are smarter then red heads!”

IMG_0952

Penned by an 11-year-old girl to a 12-year-old boy in 1996:

The boy is now a man who is happily engaged to another man. The girl is now a woman who hoards boxes of L’Oreal Red Copper #RR07, and wipes her tears on dead hamsters.

Is bubbling “i”s still a thing? Or vintage?

. . . → Read More: “and besides, blonds are smarter then red heads!”

Gingerly Impaired

As a child, did you think you were mentally handicapped and no one was telling you? I did.

In fourth grade, I received a scholarship to a fancy/expensive sleep away camp for my achievements in Hebrew class. In general I wasn’t a top student, and quit every extracurricular activity attempted. It seemed that I . . . → Read More: Gingerly Impaired

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Pat
Stoic ... yes. Shrewd ... yes. Worryingly intelligent ... yes. Hates big word counts ... yes. Mysteriously curly haired ... yes. He is Pat, the most interesting editor in the world.