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Category: Dave Axe

-Trust me, you want HEP C.

A while back, I considered being a doctor. I figured I’d be able to help people and make a few bucks. Then I learned of a pesky little process called “Med School,” where you apparently have to read a lot and wear silly white trenchcoats with tricked-out nametags. Fuck that.

Nobody has health insurance. If you do, I still feel sorry for you, because you’re either getting raped in the butt with fees, you are mooching off your parents, or your job sucks ass. I was hoping that with Obama we might get some sort of break on the health care stuff and that one day I’d be able to consult a physician regarding my fiery urination without having to spend my abortion money. But it looks like that Obama poster that reads “CHANGE” should read “SAME,” or “PUSSY BLOWJOB TAXI,” because nothing has changed.

He speaks so well
He's got the black lung.

So here’s the deal: rather than wasting my time getting a 2.2 GPA in some “Med School,” earning my “Ph.D,” and pissing my life away by telling people to turn their head and cough, I will do my part in providing you with the necessary knowledge and tools to remedy 90 percent of common colds. I’m writing it all here. So I give you:


-Dave’s Guide to Sin City: Vegas And Gambling Is Now Awesomer!

Marquees Don’t Lie

It’s hard to consider yourself a gambler when a bad Vegas trip is losing $1,000. This is especially true when you drove there with someone who lost $50k+. $50k is a lot of money, but the guy that lost all that money rolls with guys who routinely lose/win well into six and seven figures. So I bet it’s hard for him to consider himself a gambler too.

I’ve been to Vegas well over a hundred times in my career of degeneracy, and I still don’t consider myself an expert. Just kidding; I do.

-Iron Mic: Eli Porter vs. Envy, Explained.

Da Bess, Mayne!

Anyone who doesn’t know about IRON MIC: Eli Porter vs. Envy needs to. Click and watch. And listen.

After intense searching on the ‘net for legible lyrics to this timeless rap battle, I decided to compile the document myself. Actually, I did one better–I explained what’s going on.

I recommend playing the video along with this document, pausing, rewinding, and replaying, as the play-by-play is very thorough and you will miss a lot if you don’t. And you don’t wanna miss this.