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Worse than a Crack Covered Nicotine Stick Wrapped in Heroin … Biting your Finger Nails

I have never done crack. I know a guy who was addicted to crack and went to rehab after it finally dawned on him, or it was a court ordered “dawning”, that his life had taken a wrong turn when he was having naked cracked out knife fights with his 140 kilo male friend as they drove through the late night streets of Harlem running his crack ring. I have never done heroin. But I do know someone who had a brother who was hooked and described using heroin like “cumming out of his ass”. Now I am not sure exactly how to interpret that, but his telling description of heroin addiction and the outlandish activities of my other friend show me the strength of these two artificial substances. Well I will venture to say that biting your nails is worse.

OK, I can’t really back that up. But I am attached to 10 agents of brain corruption and propaganda and they are working their magic on me every second of every day. They say the nastiest things to me…

“Come on Luke, I got this flap of skin just hanging off my side. You can feel it right? Ya it’s right there. It’s not a nail, you can bite it, don’t worry. I wont tell anyone about the way you want and WILL suck and nibble on that little dangling nail nipple.”

“Luke, now shut the fuck up and bite me! You just bit number 4 over there so why the fuck won’t you bite me? You think your all high and mighty because you only bite one nail out of the ten and think you are conquering this habit? We ain’t going anywhere you addict bitch! I got nothing to do all day so I am just going to rub up against number 2 on my side and make sure you are reminded of my existence every time you move your arm.”

“Luke! Help!! It hurts!! You gotta fix it just this one time. It wasn’t your fault that potato peeler ripped me in half. I understand. It’s OK. But you gotta help me, it hurts!!!”

To name a few of the horrendous things I hear from these bastard nails. It’s hard, but after 27 years, I have had enough…

Here is the most recent photo I have after one of my many nail clipping sessions. Be sure to compare from images at this blog when I started this whole fandangled thing.

In my previous images I bragged about the nail being long but that was a false hope because with a short nail bed, a long nail is simply going to break and bother you and encourage horrible statements like the ones above. From these images, I hope you can see the growth in the base of the nail which is ultimately what I want. There is still a lot of skin towards the front of the finger, not sure if you call this foreskin or what, but the size is diminishing, albeit slow.

What I found is that there is no visual reward for a very long time. For me the worst thing I can do is let my nails grow long, so I cut them regularly. Don’t be duped.

But I am not without flaw and one nail has consistently tricked me into eating him as if he was a butter covered bacon sandwich coated in fried cheese. The image below shows the comparison between my two pinky nails. Unfortunately for my one retarded finger that is permanently disfigured after a late night cycling crash slightly inebriated, I am also terrorizing it’s nail. But it is not to say that I have given up on pinky McRetard. I have gone to the extreme. I wrap him in clear medical tape at least three times a day. I figure the only way I will stop molesting this pinky finger is to slap a chastity belt on him and would you believe it, it freaking works. The trick is to use a small strip of tape and wrap it so it only covers the nail and first knuckle for minimal annoyance. I can still type and write and go to the bathroom and find things in my nose.

In fact, I found this tape tactic to be the atomic bomb in my arsenal to stop my nail biting. As mentioned in the previous blogs, biting my nails is unstoppable after I bite a little bit and create the “imperfection” in the nail. After that, I will bite until there is no more to try and fix the “imperfection”. So now, when I start down this downward spiral of munching, I quickly run to the tape and cover the nail for a few hours. Most of the time this is enough to let my brain move on to other things. I know the tape thing seems absurd, but do it! It works!

The road is still very long for this bastard of an addiction but I feel as though I have passed the cuming out of my ass while having a naked knife fight phase.

Published inLukeNail Biting