Certain mandatory things in life make me absolutely cringe. Although I understand the undeniable necessity of such things, I find them outright boring, mundane and a waste of my time.
- Brushing my Teeth- It boggles my mind that people can brush their teeth longer than ten seconds without seeming to be irritated. Personally, I can’t just stand in front of the sink while staring at myself in the mirror with foam dripping down my lip for a minute, or whatever the dentist recommends. I become stir crazy. So instead, I walk around my apartment and with my free hand I’ll fluff pillows, pour myself a glass of water, lay out my clothes for the next dayâ€¦even then, that minute would be more efficient with the other hand. (Side note: I floss my teeth in the car with those tiny floss picks. Yah, I know it’s gross! So is my car! Judge me…)
- Taking a Shower- I don’t take anything from the showerâ€¦it takes me! TWENTY MINUTES (start to finishâ€¦undress to dressed)! If not longer, depending on the state of my dirty hair and if I need to shave my legs (I’ll save that one for another prompt). I’m just STANDING thereâ€¦in what feels like a cage.
- Filling My Gas Tank– UGH! First of all, I detest the unsanitary pumps. Some stations provide its patrons with hand sanitizing amenities, but they are seldom full. Secondly, I’m just standing there (again) and if I use my phone I might blow up the place. Or if I walk inside, someone might steal my car. It’s an awful time for me.
- Doing Laundry– I don’t even know where to begin with this one. I go weeks without washing my jeansâ€¦maybe not weeks, but I will wait until the time I wiggle into them and I can smell the dirt. I’m very meticulous and proper about the cleaning of my clothes, so things become complicated- delicates are placed in safe washing bags, blouses and dresses are line dried, sheets need once-a-week care (the fitted sheet is the bane of my existence), towels, missing socks, intimates, hangers, folding, time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would solely hire a laundress if I could for this task, but instead I spend my money on things like trips to Jonesâ€¦at this point, I’m not sure what will make me happier.
- Plucking Eyebrows-Not only is it excruciating, it is crucial to pluck with precision!!! One measly hair tweezed wrongly will make me look lopsided. Also, if the tool is not of quality then it doesn’t grip the hairs properly and it takes forever. I do recommend a Swiss Army Knife for such grooming- it plucks and trims.
- Shaving my Legs-I understand the appeal of a smooth leg, ok? I also understand that no matter how hard I try, I will inevitably miss a spot!!! No, not a spotâ€¦a patch. And please! I’m single and it’s winterâ€¦so really?
Please know that despite my huffing and puffing, I compose myself as a socially acceptable and cleanly woman on a daily basis. As a matter of fact, I used to suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder, so I “get it”. I know that cleanliness is next to Godliness and the last thing I want to do is go to hell, (as far as I’m concerned, showering is hell but what I’ve learned about hell, it is much worse than a shower, so I can’t even imagineâ€¦perhaps hell is a bath?) so I guess you can consider me a sufferer of someone who compulsively obsesses over avoiding obsessive compulsive things? Maybe I’m just ADD?
And by the way, on a trip to grab some lunch I noticed my “check engine light” blaring its eager flash at me.
…the list never ends…