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Baseball Umpires are Fat

Why is it that all Major League Baseball umpires are fat? This isn’t a generalization either, every single umpire in baseball is a fat bastard. Is it a prerequisite? Must you weigh over 250 lbs to become an ump? In most other major sports the umps, refs, etc… are quite svelte. I guess they would have to be. In soccer or basketball the referees are constantly in motion, having to run up and down the court or field in order to make accurate calls. Hockey referees are on a whole other level. Not only are they on ice so they need to be skilled skaters, but they also need to keep their head on a swivel to avoid being inadvertently smashed by giant men with sticks. In the NFL (National Football League) there is actually one ref who most fans know by name due to his muscular physique, Ed Hochuli. This guy is a beast, wearing his striped shirt 2 sizes too small so he can show off his 23 inch pythons. Don’t mess with Hochulimania brother!! The one thing these officials have in common are the fast paced nature of their sports. But in the slower paced game of baseball, all four umpires typically stand in one spot for 3 hours a pop, most likely enjoying hot dogs, nachos and peanuts before and after each game. One of the perks of the job I’m sure. It’s probably a pretty sweet gig. Once I was old enough to realize I wasn’t good enough to become a professional baseball player, I thought maybe I could be an ump. Maybe I still can. I love baseball, I’m usually pretty grumpy, and I have horrible eyesight. All I need to do is gain a hundred pounds.

Published inDustin