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The go to Joke

I love jokes but truth be told, I do not know all that many. I wish I knew seventy six jokes that I could rattle off at any given moment and all were equally hysterical and forced heads to turn within fifty yards and quarters to be thrown my way. But alas, this power I do not hold. However I do love story telling. With some wiley hand gestures, well timed connotation, and creative diction, you can hold a crowd riveted for ages. I try to make use of this as much as possible in my life, and as many people might be quick to point out, many times I do not really even have a point to what I am saying. I just keep talking to keep the listeners distracted while I am thinking ahead to figure a way out of the conversational conundrum I get myself into frequently. Well my favorite joke is a story which I will tell here. Depending on the situation, the language, the people, it can always be different but that is why I love it so much. A similar premis to the all too infamous Aristocrats joke as made famous by many a comedian. I call my joke “A walk on a beach…”

I will write this as its base story should be known and I encourage, in fact, I demand of you to elaborate the details, stress the in particulars, and use a lot of physical motion as you tell this joke. This joke should never be shorter than 7 minutes. Your audience will reward you for your efforts.

So this guy was walking down a very secluded and tranquil beach. The sun was just about to start setting and the waves were calmly lapping up to the shore not far from his feet. As the man was walking down the beach taking in the beautiful surroundings, he noticed a figure lying on the beach in the distance quite far away. This figure was the only other thing that could be seen in what was otherwise a pristine landscape.

As the man approached the figure he realized that it was a girl and as he got even closer he realized it was a girl without arms or legs. Very much alive and seemed quite comfortable lounging on the sand gazing out onto the sunset as the sun just began to touch the horizon. The man walked by and nodded to her as he walked and she nodded back and it was it was all very cordial.

As the man walked away he heard someone yelling for him.

“SIR! Excuse me! Sir!”

He turned around and saw the figure waving at him so he walked back over and asked her what she wanted very politely. She looked up at him and said, “Well since it has been such a long time since I have seen anyone and considering the circumstances, I was hoping you could help me.”

“Sure” the man replied with a smile on his face.

“Well, I have never been hugged before, I was hoping you might be able to give me one,” she said.

“Of course” was his reply and he bent over and picked the torso up and gave her a nice big hug. When he was done, he carefully placed her back on the ground and said his good bye. She waved as he walked back down the beach.

When he got almost thirty meters he could hear the same voice calling for him, a little more frantically. He looked back and saw her waving over to him once again so he walked back over to see what she wanted. She gazed up at him and then the large orange sun on the horizon more than half over the horizon and said, “Well, since you have been so nice already, I was hoping you could help me one more time. Could you give me a kiss? I have never been kissed before and I am worried I will not have this opportunity again.”

The man considered the question for a moment but was happy to oblige and leaned over and gave the torso a polite kiss. She was elated and on her way to cloud nine. The man was happy to be of service and started to walk back down the beach.

When he was almost one hundred meters away and thinking what a good service he had given her, he heard the same voice screaming at him

My impression of a girl with no arms and no legs waving. Look at the reaction!
My impression of a girl with no arms and no legs waving. Look at the reaction!

hysterically. he turned around and saw her waving her arms frantically as if something was wrong. He ran back towards her to go and see what had happened. When he arrived, she was smiling up at him with the biggest smile he had ever seen.

“I know I have been such a trouble sir,” she said. “But can I ask you for one more favor? It will be the last one I promise and then you can go home to your family and life.”

The man gazed out at the horizon as the sun just dipped behind the vail of the earth and decided he would continue his good deed for the day and said he would be happy to help.

She hesitated for a moment and then finally looked up at him and said, “Well, I know this might seem a bit much, but you see… I have never been fucked before. Can you help me with that?”

The man said “Sure!” and he picked her up and threw her in the ocean and screamed out at her “Now your fucked!”


A word of warning… to tell this story in another language might result in people giving you queer looks and at the end asking you why on earth you would ever want to throw a person without arms or legs in water. It is best to clearly define the meaning of the word fuck… good luck with that.

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