I’ve lived in this city for over eight years now. As much as I enjoy walking along the beach in January wearing shorts and a t-shirt, or listening to live music any night of the week, or spotting Dimitri Martin and that guy from Love Potion # 9 at Whole Foods, there’s still plenty of things . . . → Read More: 5 Things I Hate About L.A.

“You two would be perfect for each other,” my friend Dylan’s girlfriend insisted after knowing me for five minutes. 

“You’re such a great guy! Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” she pressed annoyingly. 

I reflected on her question for a moment. If I was truly “great” she’d be slipping me her number when Dylan wasn’t looking and sending seductive glances – not talking to me like an overgrown baby. Still, she was right. I needed a girlfriend. I agreed to a blind date with her friend. Continue reading How to Lose a Girl in 4 Weeks

I needed a vacation. After talking to Dave Glenn, a guy with a trustworthy thirst for women and adventure, I booked a trip to Australia with Contiki – a company that boasts being “The best tour guide for 18 – 35 year-olds”. Two months later I jumped on a thirteen-hour flight to the land down under. 

Kim was a cute skinny blonde who had complained to my friend Ben that there were “No good guys out there”. She wanted someone nice. Apparently I was the closest thing to this, at least that Ben knew of, so he decided to set us up. She liked my Myspace pics, and . . . → Read More: The “One” That Got Away

1. The girl who disguises complimenting herself as anger.

“Geez! Just got carded for buying a lottery ticket! WTF! I know I look young for my age but this is ridiculous!”

Continue reading Facebook Stupidity

“Hang out with me at my sister’s place in Silver Lake”, Katie insisted over the phone. I wanted to say no, but I really didn’t have anything else to do. Every time I go out with Katie, a major hottie, everyone assumes I’m her boyfriend; or I have to make small talk with some douchey guy trying to pick her up. “Sure” I said, deciding this was better than meeting my guy friends at T.G.I Friday’s and listening to them drone on about their fantasy football draft picks.

Continue reading The Time OurThursday Got Me Laid

The anti-drug program targeted for kids known as D.A.R.E was purportedly a failure. Bullshit. They always terrified the crap out of me. It wasn’t the stories of people losing their friends and families and living on the streets that scared me. It wasn’t the addictive nature that scared me. . . . → Read More: The First Time I Got High

1. The Donated Art Supplies

I appreciate the gesture, but I don’t need the two and a half sticks of compressed charcoal you found while cleaning out your grandma’s closet after she passed away. For $8, I can go down to Michaels and buy all the charcoal I need without worrying about the ghost of Beatrice haunting me in my life drawing class.

Continue reading 10 Things I Hate About Being an Artist