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Empty Promises Lead to Empty Stomach

Awhile ago, I encountered two startling qualities in men- empty promises and laziness.  The following is a letter I wrote to Mario Batali’s restaurant, Osteria Mozza, that emerged from my discouragement…I ain’t to proud to beg, yo!


To Whom It May Bring Sympathy:

I hope this finds you in the same state I find myself- content and full from a lunch at Pizzeria Mozza.  As far as my stomach is concerned, it wants more.  As far as my heart is concerned, it wants more…but with whom will these wants be satisfied?

The day I heard about the Mozza establishment that regally adorns the corner of Melrose and Highland, I fantasized dining there under romantic intentions with a fine gentleman.  I am single and a personal chef; a very tantalizing name tag to those I meet.  When I reveal my profession to a man for the first time their reaction, without a doubt, is always the same: “Have you ever been to Mozza? No? That is where we shall go for our first date!”

Without a doubt, I muster up an embarrassing excitement believing that my fantasy will transform into a reality.  And without a doubt, this special promise always vanishes.  It is an incredible phenomenon that rivals that of the death of chivalry!

I recently took matters upon myself to treat my grumbling stomach and my impatient taste buds to Mario Batali’s creations- I ordered from Pizza Mozza 2go with my gay best friend- the only male that can commit.  We shared the pizza with buffalo mozzarella (a close second to the one I tasted in Napoli, Italia) and the lasagna.  To compare that lasagna to anything I’ve ever eaten would be an insult.  The layers are married to such perfection!  Both made me yearning for more and fantasizing, yet again, of what has turned into an elusive dream.

Today, one of my best girl friend’s surprised me by taking me to lunch at Pizzeria Mozza for the $20 pizza, wine and dessert special.  My smile hurt my face as I took my seat and opened the envelope containing my cutlery and napkin; what a charming treat to kick off a scrumptious feast!

I left feeling beyond full and thoroughly pleased.  As we walked back to the car, we touched our noses to the windows (sorry for the smudges) of the empty Osteria Mozza, which I pictured full of boisterous patrons sharing rustic Italian bites with their special someone. My wistful eyes drifted from the classic white tables and I wondered when my girlish dream would become a proper date.

I want to thank the Mozza Corporation for quickening the process of weeding out the boys from the men.  It is with the one quick promise they always make, “I will take you to Mozza,” that has changed my dating life…and it is the lasagna that has made me wanting more, with someone that will offer more than an empty promise.

Do you know anyone as scrumptious and authentic as your menu?

Thank you for your kind consideration and I look forward to hearing from you soon.


Perpetually hungry and hopelessly romantic,


Published inDanielle