Our story begins with a phone call… “They’re calling it Neverender, and they’re only performing in New York, London, Chicago, and Hollywood!” Zach shouted over the phone as soon as he heard the announcement. His enthusiasm for Coheed and Cambria, our absolute favorite band, was exceeded only by my own. They would be playing all four of their albums in their entirety, one album per night, four nights in a row. This was a once in a lifetime event. “Four nights in a row?! All four albums? Is that too much Coheed?” Zach asked. “No, no it’s not.” I replied as I bought my tickets for all four nights two months in advance. Unfortunately, concerts sometimes don’t live up to the anticipation, and I had never in my life been more excited for a show. Little did I know then, but not only would these four nights meet expectations, but far surpass anything I could have hoped for. This is a story about love, music, and trying to get laid.
“Wooooooooo”, we screamed as we practiced our pre-show ritual of sitting in my truck on a Hollywood side street drinking Jagermeister and Bud Light. Despite living in or around this city for all of my adult life, I still get goosebumps sometimes driving down Sunset Blvd in anticipation of a rock show. The lights, the energy, the marquees. I dreamily envision seeing “Gun’s n’ Roses” or “Motley Crue” in giant letters above The Whiskey or The Troubador. A simpler time, swimming through a sea of leather, cocaine, and sexy women in spandex with giant hair.
Once we were sufficiently tipsy, we abandoned our empty bottles and charged into The Avalon. We managed to get one more beer at the bar before Coheed burst onto the stage. As the lights went down we began to push our way through the screaming, sweaty crowd, overweight bearded guys in black T-shirts, high school kids with stretched earlobes in black T-shirts, and the even the rare girlâ€¦in a black T-shirt.
Zach and I had always stood out like sore thumbs at metal shows, which we attended regularly. Unlike your average heavy metal music fan, spending their day trolling the internet in their mom’s basement, sitting in the dark and arguing over Mastodon’s newest album being “not heavy enough”. We have actually felt the warm rays of the sun and the sweet caress of a woman’s touch. Coheed and Cambria are hardly Cannibal Corpse but still, the odds of striking it up with a beautiful girl here were as slim as the jeans on the 90 pound kid in front of me. There’s plenty of reasons to go to a metal show, but for us at least, meeting girls isn’t one of them. We were perfectly content getting wasted and storming the mosh pit with our fellow metalheads. This was 2008, and despite my dreams of earlier times on the strip, Tawny Kittaen would not be showing up on the hood of a red Trans-am.
Once we had pushed our way close enough to the stage, jumping and singing with the first song, I noticed two lovely young girls directly in front of us. My eyes focused on the shorter of the two. I swear she was glowing. It was like the scene in Wayne’s World when Wayne first see’s Cassandra. Everything slowed down, “Dreamweaver” started playing in my head, and I prepared to make my move. She looked over her shoulder at me, flicking her hair. I smiled, she smiled back. I was standing directly behind her, it I had popped a boner it would have touched her. She looked back to the stage, then back at me. Her friend whispered into her ear. I tried to pretend I was watching the band, but was hopelessly transfixed on what was developing a foot in front of me. Now the floor of a rock show isn’t the best place to strike up a conversation, It’s incredibly loud, and you’re constantly getting pushed in all directions, but despite my usual shyness in these situations, I felt compelled to do something,
“I’m Dustin!” I shouted over the music.
“I’m Kelly!” she yelled back with a smile.
She was beautiful. Blond hair, tan skin, killer smile. I was hooked. “I’m Kayla!” I heard the other girl say to Zach before shaking hands with both of them. There was no grenade to jump on, both girls were smoking hot. Kayla was taller, dark hair, dressed like a stripper, but in a good way. Her white tank top struggling to contain the breasts underneath it. After our introductions, we all put our focus back on the show. I moved closer to Kelly and put my arm around her stomach, she held it as we sang at the top of our lungs. I looked at Zach, we couldn’ t believe it! Ten minutes into night one we had struck gold. We discreetly gave each other a high five.
Kelly and I only spoke a few words in between songs, but there was an immediate connection. I noticed Kayla visibly swooning over Zach as well. We quickly learned that the girls had driven up from San Diego, had a hotel room nearby, and were also attending all four nights. The rock & roll gods were smiling upon us.
After the show we invited the girls back to Zach’s place nearby to watch a movie. I accessed our situation, and not being particularly experienced in one night stands, I was nervous. Zach put on some terrible Norm McDonald dvd, and the four of us watched from his couch. About halfway into the movie, he and his girl got up to go to bed. This is always a delicate time. You know that your friend is going to be boning his girl, so you want to do the same. But is she down? My mind raced. In order to avoid an awkward moment, I immediately asked her to take off her pants. She giggled, but declined. I liked this girl, and we had three more nights. I felt much more at ease as we talked for hours, made out for a bit, and went to sleep.
I found out the next day that both Zach and the girls were out for night 2, so instead I brought along my brother Dane. Instead of our usual routine, getting hammered and moshing, I actually watched and listened intently from start to finish. What a concept! However, I couldn’t help but look forward to night three. Zach and I had joked when we bought our tickets two months earlier about meeting some girls over the course of the four nights, and I couldn’t believe that something we had optimistically envisioned had happened ten minutes into night one. The seed had been planted. He called me after the show and was obviously bummed that he couldn’t make it. We planned and plotted for night three. He told me that he didn’t sleep with his girl the first night either, but that she “took care of him in the morning”. This made me feel a little bit better in that we were still together in our quest to bang the “Coheed Girls” as they would later become known. I could not have been more excited for night three.
Back in the saddle, we added another friend to our foursome as our buddy Brian Pratt was along for the ride. He joined Zach and I as we religiously practiced our pre-show ritual once again. Brian was briefed on the events that had transpired on night one. He had bought a ticket for this night weeks in advance as well, and was noticibly upset once he realized that instead of a night out with the guys, he’d be playing the third wheel. We met up with the girls out front of the Avalon. Brian asked half jokingly if they happened to have a third friend on the way. “No, sorry.” they said with a laugh. I felt for him being in this frustrating position, but I was too into Kelly to let it get me down.
Despite Brian’s sulking, we continued where we had left off the first night. Sparks flew and emotions ran high. The show kicked ass as anticipated, and afterwards we were ready for a night on the town, and I hoped ultimately leading to pound town. Unfortunately for Zach, he had prior engagements and had to leave immediately after the set. Brian’s eyes lit up as he heard the news. This was an unexpected turn of events, and I could sense his mojo returning as he stepped towards me with a grin,
“Dude, i’ll just take Zach’s place and bang his girl tonight.”
“I don’t know man, she seems pretty into him.” I replied. Zach is a good looking guy, not to mention he’s 6 ft 7″, with a personality that commands attention, and I could tell he definitely had Kayla’s. However, Brian was determined.
“Dude, maybe she’s a massive slut.” he said with nothing but seriousness on his face.
I admired Brian’s optimism and encouraged him to give it a shot. It’s not that Brian isn’t without his charms, but standing almost a foot shorter than Zach, and an inch or two shorter than Kayla herself, I knew his chances of bedding her were slim. We went out for dinner and drinks. I continued to egg Brian on, even though I was certain he had no shot whatsoever of hooking up with this girl tonight. Kelly could see it too as we whispered to ourselves while we ran our hands over each others legs under the table. Despite Brian’s best efforts, turns out Kayla wasn’t as slutty as he had hoped.
We decided to head a few blocks over to Brian’s very babe friendly apartment to spend the night. By this point, I could see by the disappointed look on his face that he had given up. We had a few more drinks, but with the night winding down, I surveyed the area looking for the ideal place for Kelly and I to bed down. This was a studio apartment, and as sweet as it was, Brian’s bed was out in the open, separated from the living room only by two steps and a handrail. Basically just one room. With no privacy and Kayla without Zach as her hook-up, it was apparent that once again, I was not going to get laid.
The girls were getting tired so we debated over who would sleep where. Brian agreed to let me sleep in his bed with Kelly, while he would share the couch with Kayla. Unfortunately for him, Kayla had other plans. She jumped into bed with us. “Holy shit!”, I thought, things were looking up. I manuvered myself between the girls, trying to give Kelly the impression that I was still one hundred percent focused on her, while putting out a vibe that would suggest otherwise. Despite giving subtle hints and suggestions for this potential manage a trois, i soon realized that this fantasy would not become a reality. I settled for some cuddling instead, but making a point to tickle them every now and then solely so that Brian could hear them, imagining I was rounding the proverbial third base on my way home, as opposed to laying down a bunt single. I still like to remind him of this night on a fairly consistent basis, when he slept on his own couch while I shared his bed with two beautiful girls.
It all came down to this. Saturday night, Zach & Kayla, Kelly & me. Once again, Coheed was amazing, but by this time, it was apparent to me that this was a special night. This wasn’t just another concert. What had started with two friends going to a place that they had been to before, watching a band they had seen before, had turned into something else all together. We knew that Coheed & Cambria would deliver, but these four nights had now become a truly memorable time of our lives. They say a great Rock show can change the world. I don’t know about that, but it can be a magical experience. For the rest of that night, it was as if I was in a dream. Four people without a care in the world, fueled by live music, young lust, and alcohol.
After the show, we were on our way back to Zach’s, his roommate was having a party. Having to get our vehicles back, we all drove seperately. Coincidently, It was also the night that California’s initial vote for Gay Marriage had been denied, which provided a most surreal night in Hollywood. The city was flooded with flamboyant protestors and demonstrators. Helicopters with spotlights crossed the night sky as I tried to navigate my way through the crowded streets. Hollywood traffic is bad enough on any given Saturday night, but this was out of control. I sat alone in my truck cursing and banging the steering wheel. Highland closed. Sunset closed. Vineland closed. My once tranquill mind was now on the verge of madness. I seriously thought of just going home. A swirl of brake lights, traffic signals, and scantilly clothed homosexuals danced through my head. I passed a sign for the 170 freeway, my way home. But while my emotions leaned toward leaving, my boner, like a compass pointed to the north, pointed directly toward Zach’s house. I took a deep breath, passed right by the onramp and on to the party. As soon as I opened the door, Kelly ran up to me and gave me a kiss.
I knew I had made the right decision. We drank and danced and laughed. The DJ spun the type of songs that a DJ usually plays at a party. Kelly and I snuck outside and shared a cigarette, talking about the concerts and which of the four nights was our favorite. What we didn’t talk about was how our four day relationship was nearing the end, although I was definitely thinking about it. We had exchanged phone numbers and I even planned on keeping in contact with her, but I knew that this epic experience was best left alone, not to be soiled with later exploits. With the party raging inside, Kelly and I shared a kiss under the Hollywood Moon. We had become truly close since our introductions three days prior, in a way even falling in love, a love I would cherish for the rest of my night. Kelly shot me a look that suggested a trip upstairs. Between the alcohol, adrenaline from the show, and the anticipation four nights in the making, it was a truly mind blowing lay. We stayed up all night, the absolute perfect climax to an extraordinary four days. With Kayla and Zach in the bed above us, we tried to be discreet, but after a while we didn’t really care. We fell asleep naked just as the sun began to rise, arm in arm wrapped in a sheet on the floor of Zach’s bedroom.