Baseball Umpires are Fat

Why is it that all Major League Baseball umpires are fat? This isn’t a generalization either, every single umpire in baseball is a fat bastard. Is it a prerequisite? Must you weigh over 250 lbs to become an ump? In most other major sports the umps, refs, etc… are quite svelte. I guess they would have to be. In soccer or basketball the referees are constantly in motion, having to run up and down the court or field in order to make accurate calls. Hockey referees are on a whole other level. Not only are they on ice so they need to be skilled skaters, but they also need to keep their head on a swivel to avoid being inadvertently smashed by giant men with sticks. In the NFL (National Football League) there is actually one ref who most fans know by name due to his muscular physique, Ed Hochuli. This guy is a beast, wearing his striped shirt 2 sizes too small so he can show off his 23 inch pythons. Don’t mess with Hochulimania brother!! The one thing these officials have in common are the fast paced nature of their sports. But in the slower paced game of baseball, all four umpires typically stand in one spot for 3 hours a pop, most likely enjoying hot dogs, nachos and peanuts before and after each game. One of the perks of the job I’m sure. It’s probably a pretty sweet gig. Once I was old enough to realize I wasn’t good enough to become a professional baseball player, I thought maybe I could be an ump. Maybe I still can. I love baseball, I’m usually pretty grumpy, and I have horrible eyesight. All I need to do is gain a hundred pounds.

  • Deezy

    If you can gain a hundred pounds…I will make sure your dream of becoming an ump comes true!!

  • Baseball umpires can basically be immobile throughout a whole game, which is why you see many fat asses umping in baseball. Plus, they have access to the home stadium buffet before every game, and I hear that’s a pretty nice spread, especially at Yankee stadium. Ever seen a fat ref in basketball, or in football? It’s because they actually have to move around and be in shape.

  • kind of a bad taste type of blog entry.. according to luke you should not write about people being fat

  • We’ll, maybe if people had respect for themselves and realize that they have one body, people wouldn’t write about why baseball umpires seem to be a bit portly.

  • nick

    I don’t see a problem. The baseball players kinda match the umps.

  • Bottom line is fat people will do anything that requires as little mobility as humanly possible, whether you want to be an ump or a player. I’ve been to Wal-Mart once in the past 3 years, and the one time I went I saw fat asses who were not handicapped, but were on those motorized carts buzzing by me to get to the ice cream and frozen pizza aisles. They were just being lazy. Yeah, saw them walking with no impediment back to their cars with their junk food. I declare war on fat people.

    If you play ball you can sit on your ass in a dugout when your team is batting. If your a pitcher, it’s even more of an ideal situation for those of ample girth-you only have to really move around once every five days, and the other times you can sit on your ass spitting David sunflower seeds. That’s why I quit playing baseball, even though I was good at it. I have ADD, and in my last season of Babe Ruth ball, our pitchers threw the ball like it was batting practice for the other team. I played the outfield, so I’d just stand there for an hour at a time never having the ball hit to me, and watching our pitcher get lit up like the Clark Griswold’s digs in Christmas vacation. After the fourth game of going through that shit, I was done. Drove me nuts.

  • Dustin

    Let me reitterate that one, I love baseball. And two, I love fat people. It’s an obvious observation and joke. If you have a problem with that, you are probably fat. Get over it.

  • Dustin,

    Who are you directing your comment towards? If it was me, you’re taking this WAY too seriously bro. My post was funny. I’m 6 feet tall, 182 pounds.

  • Axe

    I like turtles

  • Balula

    Anyone got any Smarties?

  • Balula

    Fat Fat Fatty Fat Fat! Faaaaaaaaaat :) Mmmm Donuts… Nom Nom Nom

  • Dudes need to lay off the dope.

  • Haha, was definitely not directed towards you Dave…We all really appreciate you reading and participating with the blogs…

  • Dustin,

    I had an encounter with a lesbian dog this week-end. How do I post a story on here? Thanks.

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