Ping Pong Show in Bangkok Thailand

In a previous blog about the worst night I have ever had, I briefly mentioned something about the ping pong show that I went to and I realize that might have sounded extremely sleazy to some of you. I think I have only been to 4 strip clubs in my time, and received only one lap dance which pretty much put me off paying for lap dances for the rest of time. But if the ping pong shows came to this part of the world, I would be gathering up my friends and telling them to dress up, put their goggles on, and get ready for a rager of a night. The sheer talent possessed by these girls is enough to make any one weep with joy. Here is how I wept…

The main meeting point for any foreigner in Bangkok is on Khao Sarn road. This road is lined with bars selling buckets filled with ice and illegal red bull and and whisky, hostels that are impossible to sleep at if not for the noise then for the deplorable conditions and odors of urine and sounds of sweaty sex, carts selling everything from t-shirts to deep fried crickets which are pretty good (refer to deep fried blog), and every type of street hustler you can ever imagine just waiting for the tourists to down their bucket.

So we were sitting around drinking our buckets as fast as we could fending off small kids trying to thumb wrestle me for money (ended 1-1) and we met a group of girls who joined us to make our group around 8 with half girls half guys. We decided that we needed to be sophisticated travellers and find a jazz bar. So we found two tuk-tuks (a very entertaining way to travel) and asked him to take us to a jazz bar in the pat pong 3 area. There are three pat pongs, one for shopping, one for bars and suits, and one for strip clubs. We specifically told this guy take us to xyz place and he happily agreed. When the tuk tuks finally stopped we were outside of a strip club. Bastard. Apparently the tuk tuks get paid to deliver people to these places. The booze was mixing just right at this point and everyone decided to give it a go, girls included.

We enter a neon lit hallway with no signs and are escorted to a room but I immediately break off to find a bathroom which I was successful at. I came back to no one around and for a moment thoughts of myself being abandoned in a Thai strip club had entered my head. I wandered around for a bit until I found the main room and with a sigh of relief take my seat with our group. The room was setup with a stage about waist high in the middle with two doors either side and maybe 20 feet wide and deep with mirrors covering every inch of wall in the place. On one end of the room was a bar looking area with a few small circle tables surrounded by giant lizard looking people. The outside of the room had two levels of seats in a quazi stadium format with a table in front which is where we all were. The music was loud and lights were flashing but it was not very dark.

Apparently while I was going to the bathroom, the rest of the group was forced to pay some $12 cover charge which did get them a free drink but to a traveller this can be extortion. None the less, they paid and I didn’t. A friendly looking girl came over to me and said another friendly looking guy wanted to talk to me. So I went over and said “whats the problem bub?” and he told me that I needed to pay. I did not like this turn of events and was rather content to just sit down and not drink or pay but it didn’t work like that. In a fit of negotiation hysteria, I said I would pay only if they gave me a full glass of black label whisky which they did, probably to shut me up and get me way over the ball. I went back to my seat with a huge glass of whisky, a bigger smile, and a new relationship with half the staff.

The girls in are group were being wet blankets and left half way through the show but they were not very interesting anyway and are not relevant to the rest of the story, but it is proof that girls can witness this amazing spectacle.

So the show begins. A girl comes out on stage completely naked and stands a little awkwardly in the middle of the stage. The music gets going and she starts pulling this long beaded string out of her vagina rather rhythmically. Every two feet or so the beads would change color from green to blue to red and so on. It reminded me of a really long mardi gras bead. After she pulled out about 10 feet of it, she took and end in each hand and started jumping roping while it was still in her to the crowds delight. After a few repetitions of this she then came to the edge of the stage and in a move of experience, fashioned a lasso and snagged a guy with a girlfriend by the neck and started pulling him rather hard. I don’t think the vagina was doing the pulling but he seemed quite terrified like he was going to be sucked in or something. She then stepped back, put it all back inside, and waddled off stage to a huge roar of cheers, and this was only the first girl!

Next girl comes out, rather attractive and again completely naked and this time holding a chair and a few coke bottles in a bucket. There is music but slow and methodical and she is not dancing to it. She seems to be focusing really hard and moving very deliberately. She places the chair in the middle and sits down rather gingerly but still with grace. She grabs a coke bottle and starts to bring it towards her vagina and we all think we know whats going to happen. Right as she puts just the top inside her, she flicks her wrist and POP! The cap comes flying out and smacks a guy on the other side of the room in the forehead. He must have saw it coming but was in some Thai trance that he could not escape from and probably had one of those slow-mo moments where he saw it but could do nothing. She shot off about 6 caps in rather quick succession. I could only think that she must have a bottle opener inside her. I am pretty good about snapping caps with my fingers so I was running around the room trying to find them and shoot them back at her but none of my attempts were successful and it did draw a lot of attention to me. Whisky was about gone at this point. She “shot her load” and left the stage with a bow and again the crowd went wild.

The third and final girl comes out and she is without clothes, a chair, a bucket, and a bag. While she was setting up on one side of the stage, another girl came out with the same inventory and began setting up her chair on the other side of the stage so the two girls were facing each other about 12 feet apart. They performed a half ass chair dancing session but never bent over, which I thought was weird but I soon learned why. They both sat down in the chairs, opened up their legs and put them in the air, and then kicked their right legs, and in a thing of beautiful synchronicity, two ping pong balls arched from one girl into the bucket of the other. I was shocked! How could they get that much force and accuracy? And then, without reloading, they shot off three more in succession. They then reloaded and got into interesting positions and were shooting them straight up, into the crowd, at each other when the other wasn’t looking, it was all quite amusing. One girl left the stage and the other stood up and came directly over to me on the stage and called me over. Of course I had to go investigate. I was standing below her as she was standing up on the stage and although no English was used, I knew what she wanted me to do. She handed me an alcohol swab and a ping pong ball and then opened her legs a little like guys do when you want to make sure no pee lands on your shoes or something peeing outside, and pointed at her vagina. I hesitated for a moment but I couldn’t let the crowd (or her) down. So I reached up and just pushed the ball up without any real thought of accuracy or anything but it didn’t matter. As I pressed, it had the consistency of putting a ping pong ball into jello and just as it was almost inside completely, it was sucked up inside with a rather impressive amount of suction that made me stand back and pull my hand back quick as if it was a bear trap or something. She then grabbed my head rather forcefully, spun me around and then bent me backwards so I had my back over the stage but was still standing. She forced my mouth open and then stepped over me and then I realized what was about to happen. She was about to shoot a ping pong ball into my mouth or at least hit me in the face for the whole world to laugh at. No pun intended here, but I pussied out and did not receive a facial with a ping pong ball.

At the end, the girls swarm the tables and try to get you to go somewhere for further “shows” but none of us were interested nor did we have the money. They were rather forceful once again and I was keen to not lose my wallet or other pocket things as they were groping around. Nothing bad happened and they even paid for our tuk tuk back to the main part of town. So now do you think these places are sleazy?

  • Dustin

    Absolutely riveting Luke, 2 thumbs way up

  • Eury

    So, so sad. You and them.

    • http://www.lukeollett.com luke

      I feel pretty happy… I can hear the sombre tone in YOUR voice. Cheer up. Life has many interesting things it wants to show you.

  • Eury

    Do you know what kind of physical effects that work has on the women who do it, putting different objects into their bodies night after night? Do you know what their working conditions are like? Not pleasant. Not healthy. Not interesting.

  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ping_pong_show Frederick

    you seem to be cross-referenced in wiki…

    • http://www.lukeollett.com luke

      Cross referenced or just referenced?

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  • Jo

    Loved reading this, I also watched one of these shows. I was the only chick with 3 guys. I thought it was weird and funny all wrapped together. Dodging those balls were difficult