I have this cat named Mussolini. This cat was birthed from a whore and apparently turned out to be a whore her self. I determined she was pregnant right around the time I noticed the giant nipples on the belly and the nest she had made deep in the innards of my California king bed. In human years, Mussolini was pregnant at the ripe old age of 12 or 13 by my calculations. An unwanted pregnancy to say the least. But what can you do? Well it turns out for an extra $15 dollars (biowaste), you can get a two-fer special to have your cat neutered and aborted at the same time. Thanks to the help of the Swedish roommate Johan, this procedure was performed on Mussolini.
Now the way i see it, I didn’t need to deal with kittens. They are a hassle and a mess and no one can deny that. So a forced cat abortion+neutering, although a new concept for me, seemed like a reasonable choice. It turns out that not everyone would agree with my sentiments.
Now lets introduce any girl that found out about this cat cleansing. Every girl considered this to be murder and were vehemently against cat abortions. I became less of a human for doing such a cruel act in their eyes.
So here is the new way to find out if a person is really for or against abortions. Adopt a cat and get it pregnant by letting it go outside, cat’s will travel for days to get nailed when the heat is on. You gotta have the cat for at least a year to make sure people have an emotional attachment to it. Then force an abortion and all of a sudden the truth comes out.
I mean, Bob Barker made a living advertising the annihilation of cats and dogs. If we spayed and neutered all of them, who’s having babies? Just the feral cats, propagating their inferior seed while the clean well bred cats are being stripped of their reproductive abilities? Coincidentally, I think, the movie Juno was in theaters at the same time which seemed only a little ironic.
your a murderer of poor helpless innocent kittens…and your smug about it.
YOUR A MURDERER YOUR SO CALM ABOUT LIKE IT WAS NOTHING YEA MY CAT WAS A WHORE AND I HAD HER KITTENS ABORTED AND ITS SPAYING NOT NEUTERING JEEZ YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANIMALS YOU SHOULDNT OWN ANY
good work johan. if only all americans were as skilled…
This as the funniest site I ever seen about a topic not so lighthearted thanks for a good laugh signed..,a fellow murderer
[...] while back I wrote about an interesting story of how, with the help of my fresh off the boat Swedish roomate, we effectively gave a cat an [...]
PLEASE PLEASE tell me how you did it!!! My cats gonna a whore too! I really need to know! I’ve been trying to think of ways to make her abort and can’t find anything on the net ….how can I fix my problem???
Well Kim, according to the story, you need to spay the cat. Works like a charm. If this is not an option, I am sure there are a variety of other methods. Extreme temperature change, spinning in circles really fast with the cat in your hand, irregular eating schedules, you name it. All will be perceived as torture and the RSPCA or equivalent will likely post you in the newspaper as a rapist.
throw her down the stairs!!!!!!!!!!!
JUST KIDDING!!!!!