Forced Cat Abortion is Not a Crime

I have this cat named Mussolini. This cat was birthed from a whore and apparently turned out to be a whore her self. I determined she was pregnant right around the time I noticed the giant nipples on the belly and the nest she had made deep in the innards of my California king bed. In human years, Mussolini was pregnant at the ripe old age of 12 or 13 by my calculations. An unwanted pregnancy to say the least. But what can you do? Well it turns out for an extra $15 dollars (biowaste), you can get a two-fer special to have your cat neutered and aborted at the same time. Thanks to the help of the Swedish roommate Johan, this procedure was performed on Mussolini.

Now the way i see it, I didn’t need to deal with kittens. They are a hassle and a mess and no one can deny that. So a forced cat abortion+neutering, although a new concept for me, seemed like a reasonable choice. It turns out that not everyone would agree with my sentiments.

Now lets introduce any girl that found out about this cat cleansing. Every girl considered this to be murder and were vehemently against cat abortions. I became less of a human for doing such a cruel act in their eyes.

So here is the new way to find out if a person is really for or against abortions. Adopt a cat and get it pregnant by letting it go outside, cat’s will travel for days to get nailed when the heat is on. You gotta have the cat for at least a year to make sure people have an emotional attachment to it. Then force an abortion and all of a sudden the truth comes out.

I mean, Bob Barker made a living advertising the annihilation of cats and dogs. If we spayed and neutered all of them, who’s having babies? Just the feral cats, propagating their inferior seed while the clean well bred cats are being stripped of their reproductive abilities? Coincidentally, I think, the movie Juno was in theaters at the same time which seemed only a little ironic.

Read the update here…

  • Jennifer

    your a murderer of poor helpless innocent kittens…and your smug about it.

  • Alysha

    YOUR A MURDERER YOUR SO CALM ABOUT LIKE IT WAS NOTHING YEA MY CAT WAS A WHORE AND I HAD HER KITTENS ABORTED AND ITS SPAYING NOT NEUTERING JEEZ YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANIMALS YOU SHOULDNT OWN ANY

  • roach

    good work johan. if only all americans were as skilled…

  • Brandon

    This as the funniest site I ever seen about a topic not so lighthearted thanks for a good laugh signed..,a fellow murderer

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  • Kim

    PLEASE PLEASE tell me how you did it!!! My cats gonna a whore too! I really need to know! I’ve been trying to think of ways to make her abort and can’t find anything on the net ….how can I fix my problem???

  • Well Kim, according to the story, you need to spay the cat. Works like a charm. If this is not an option, I am sure there are a variety of other methods. Extreme temperature change, spinning in circles really fast with the cat in your hand, irregular eating schedules, you name it. All will be perceived as torture and the RSPCA or equivalent will likely post you in the newspaper as a rapist.

  • anonymous

    throw her down the stairs!!!!!!!!!!!
    JUST KIDDING!!!!!

  • anonymous

    ;)

  • Cat Lover

    It is a difficult decision, but I’ve had to do the same time a couple of times before. We would have stray cats and I would try to befriend them to get them spayed or neutered. A couple of times the cats were in early pregnancy so the vet did what you had done.

    I love cats, but sometimes it is necessary to have an abortion – when the choice is five or six more cats — possibly feral cats — living a miserable live, what is your choice. Some may not agree with it, but it is the humane thing to do. Mussolini will have a better quality of life too – cute kitty!

  • girl

    i think she suffered from a post pardum depression after that…and I like that luke left out the gorry details…like how after MANY months she was still tender bc she was never taken back to the vet to have her stitches removed.

    • I was told they were dissolvable. And your law degree does not make you a cat psychologist, or does it? and look how fat you made castro!!

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