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Some Questions we Need to Make Socially Acceptable

I find that being extremely inquisitive is one of the most rewarding things about being a person. By taking on this attribute, you can learn until your brain explodes. You are only limited by the vastness of your creativity which is the key to extract the information you are thirsting for. Sometimes, I have found, inquis-i-tivity can be very disconcerting for certain people around you as you dive deeper and deeper into subjects that might make someone uncomfortable. For myself, however, I am just enjoying the lesson I am receiving by watching that person squirm. Some times people will think I am challenging them and ‘taking the piss’ but almost always I am very genuine. I will say that I am observant of someone who is bothered by my questions and I do enjoy testing the limits. So moving on to the point… for various reasons, I do not have too many fat friends and I would like to play out half of one of these conversations that might make someone squirm. I think many of these questions are for the extremely large people that need to live life a little differantly than the rest due to their condition.

I must have this answered because I have heard one solution that I am not so sure seems to make sense. How do you have sex? I can understand the liberal use of toys and all that but that can only last for so long. Eventually you are going to try and make the natural connection. Someone told me that you can use a sturdy piece of wood to move the skin out of the way however my concern with this solution is friction and keeping it in the right place all the time. I hope you are getting it sorted out because sex is a really good thing.

When you sit in a chair that you are wider than, do you notice the handles digging into your skin? Like on an airplane, you dont have a choice, so you just squeeze in, but what I wonder is, are you really “squeezing” or does the feeling just not register since it is really fatty skin? I would think you feel it but are just forced to deal with the situation.

Are you aware of how wide you are? Do you frequently knock cups and things off tables walking around? Reminds me of a cat. Their whiskers will always grow as long as the cat is wide to make sure they don’t stick there head inside things that the rest of the body wont fit through. Do you have an equivalent? I think whiskers are also used for balance as well which brings to mind the idea about if you have a consistent shifting of weight or would you say it is more reminiscent of a fluid going back and forth. Imagine a ball half filled with water and you were trying to roll it around.

I am no doctor, but I am almost positive that the asshole should not grow proportionately with your weight. Are your shits extra long or large to accomodate the extra food? Does it drag along your ass skin as it drops into the toilet? Would you prefer a big basined toilet bowl to help allow your self to spread your butt cheeks apart? Do you have an arm extension to be able to wipe your ass? Sort of a trash picker upper thing but with a double bend in it is what comes to mind. Guess this could double as a back scratcher as well.

Do you get random chaffing on parts of your body from skin rubbing next to eachother? And how do you stop this? Probably just use small bits of lotion or vaseline in the high friction areas.

Can you apply deodarant in an armpit by the same arm if the other one doesn’t reach over? I think an easy solution to this would be a deodarant stick but not the kind of stick that is advertised on TV. I am thinking of a stick with an adapter to put any type of deodarant on the end and it sticks about 3 feet up in the air so you can just walk over to it and apply to each arm by rubbing down on it with your arm in the air and the other arm free to do whatever.

Is it more comforatble to sleep on your front or back?

Are you proportionately strong?

Do you agree that you should pay more for your clothing since you are using much more material than a smaller person? They are doing this in England but with bras.

Have you ever been to the top of the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona?

Is it hard to swim? I am thinking that it would be but maybe it is easier to float.

I can think of more but I am sure I have offended a lot of people especially considering that a third of the American population is considered clinically over weight. However this is not my intention for this blog and I would really love some honest straight answers to my very honest and sincere questions. If you want to yell at someone for making fun of fat people, talk to my friend Xavier, a self described fattist. The English like making fun of me because us Americans are fat, according to them, which may be half true, but it doesn’t help that they say this to someone who is almost always skinnier than they are, and they have such lovely foods like eggs wrapped in bacon and then deep fried, or deep fried fish and chips served in a whole newspaper to absorb the grease, or deserts covered in triple cream, or milk with an inch of cream at the top of the bottle before you open it for the first time. Just get your heart rate above 160 for 30 minutes a day people and you can eat whatever you want. Salud!

Published inLukePodcastTheories