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Rest in Peace: OurThursday Android app, Get a Grip

Three and a half years ago I created an app that I hoped would break the introverted chains of the masses. I called it “Get a Grip” and it was available on the Android Play Store. Apple rejected it saying it did not provide enough functionality, those sorry sots. Well last night, I made the decision to retire GAG in hopes for a more civil and humane future. This blog is a memorial to GAG.

The app was simple as all good apps should be… you opened it up, clicked the enormous and somewhat scary tongue, and a microphone was presented to you with a stop button. That was it. What would you do?

In 1000 days this app was downloaded 246 times and collected roughly 100 recordings. So what did these people say? Who were they? Why would they download an app that had a grotesque image of people gripping a slithery tongue? What would you do?

Well my first and only use of the app reveals that I need to be much more creative as I still use this in my daily routine including work meetings.


My Dad… whoops… I mean Sophie chimed in with his very dependable attitude towards most people.


This dude took the opportunity to practice his Italian swagger for all to hear.

This lost soul thought that they could earn some money with this incredibly well funded app.


This bastard said probably the most obvious and intellectual thing out of anyone.


I couldn’t help but feel this girl was the precursor to the currently annoying and will always be annoying “But first let me take a selfie” song.


This recording was actually made multiple times so I presume they thought that this one was the best of the lot.


This was just one of at least two dozen that were in Portuguese. Most were asking if they were happy like them or in the middle of a party like this one. Good on you Brasilians.


This one was asking for gas over and over in the tune of a Fergie song I believe. I am not sure the word is “gas” though in the actual song.


I am pretty sure that this person chose my app to die in front of.


And then I will just lump together the rest that I thought were of some sort of noteworthiness. Library of Congress can you hear me?

So to all the kids that downloaded this thing and made stereotypical gargling and mouth noises… to all those who are so bored when they are eating and do not find total comfort in the clattering of their silverware on the plates… to all the Israeli’s who got me to see if Google provides an audio translation so I could understand what the fuck you are saying… and to the umpteen others who pressed the microphone button and did absolute nothing, successfully wasting my time three years later down the road…. I thank you all. This app was not in vein.

So what would you do if presented with a microphone and nothing else?

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