– Mention Merle Haggard and Hank Williams for credibility.
– Remind people of things they’re familiar with – like Budlight and Jesus.
– Sum up life with a quote from Grandpa.
– Talk about how tough you were before you had kids.
– Talk about how tough your wife is because she does all the mundane shit you don’t want to do – like packing lunches and cleaning diapers. Don’t be afraid to use the word “hero”.
– If you’re a guy, rewrite the song “Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel and talk about your tractor and your muddy boots.
– If you’re a girl, rewrite the song “Jenny From the Block” by Jennifer Lopez and talk about your blue jeans.
– Be proud of where you came from, as long as it’s nowhere enlightened and progressive.
– Talk about how you thought you’d never settle down . . . until you settled down.
– Don’t shave for four days and make fun of the uptight guy in the suit.
– If you’re a girl, talk about drinking whiskey.
– If you’re a guy, talk about your girl drinking whiskey.
– Get defensive. So what if you like to go out and have a good time? So what if you like to drink a few beers on the weekend? Is that such a crime?
– Talk about how you like to raise a little cane. Not a lot of cane, just a little.
– Talk about the summer time.
– Reminisce about “simpler times”.
– Talk about your mistress, the rodeo.
– Confuse people:
“I ain’t as good as I once was, but I’m as good once, as I ever was” – Toby Keith.
– Talk about your modest life.
– Don’t talk about the millions you’ve made singing about your modest life.
-If you get stuck, use the following key words: truck, tractor, creek, preacher man, cottonwood, dirt road, open road, front porch, back woods, small town, honky-tonk, moonshine.