My life as a single lady has reached the 3 1/2 year mark and I am currently not putting forth any effort to change that. You won’t find me on dating websites (Twitter exempt). I live and work in West Hollywood (I’m straight). And I spend most of my free time inside my apartment watching football alone (Go Eagles?). Some say the latter of the aforementioned circumstances is a shoe-in to grab the attention of a man, but I’m somehow missing the conversion from football banter to a steady relationship and am instead collecting male besties all over Southern California (unless of course you’re a Raiders’ fanâ€¦I hate you and you’re my worstie—“worstie” and “bestie”â€¦perhaps the story could stop here?).
After some calculations, I figure at the pace I’m going, and in the geographic location I’m living, I’ll either end up marrying someone from a fantasy football message board or becoming a beard to a gay man I meet at my neighborhood Trader Joe’s. As long as my pops gets a grandchild out of it, it shouldn’t matter.
The truth is, my heart isn’t in any rush, but the recent influx of set-up dates by friends, family and/or members of my mother’s book club has me wondering if everyone thinks I am.
I love blind dates and actually prefer them because I appreciate a referral and the security that I won’t end up on Dateline Murder Mystery. Other attempts don’t even make it as far as a date, like the time Luke (http://bit.ly/sAa14k) held a mystery dinner specifically to set me up with his friend. The “friend” never showed up, and I became the seventh wheel. Story of my life. And title of my future autobiography, probably.
My older lady literary friends (aka my mom’s book club) are my number one advocates and try very hard, but never make it past the screening process. A couple of weeks ago we held our meeting at the Getty Villa after reading Chasing Aphrodite, a novel about the Getty’s acquisition of looted art. It’s fascinating. On the way home, I started discussing a recent recipe I created that ended up in People magazine.
“Hold on a second,” a newer member said. “How are you not taken?”
“Because everyone in my local area is either gay or not interesting.”
“But you like to cook and you like football! It seems like they’d be swarming.”
“Well, they usually end up being my best friend.”
“I think you’d be perfect for my son. He’s smart, he likes art, he’s a great cook, he’s so nice! Yes! Sally, don’t you think they’d be great?”
“Oh yes! This is a perfect match!!!”
I stopped them. “Wait, how old is he?”
“He’s 22. But don’t worry, he has an old soul. Oh he’s so nice,” his mom said.
“I’m 28. Let’s set him up with my sister who is also 22 with an old soul.”
They discussed the two potential soul mates with my mother. I let them cackle while I tweeted about itâ€¦
The next day, “Cougar Dates” started following me on twitter. Things are looking up…
Exactly a year ago, on another book club field trip, the same type of conversation occurred. This time, the male in question had two years on me and sounded kind of lovely. After I agreed that we could move forward with the process, the group giddily high-fived.
Four days later, I received this email:
I am Jessica’s friend; we met at Carolyn Wall’s lecture. And, I sent you the information about the Ventura County Writers Club. Well, this e-mail is from a friend, who has a 30-year-old single son. I can attest he is a nice guy from a nice family. He’s lives in Santa Monica right now, working and going to school. He told his mother he can’t find any “nice girls.” I immediately thought of you. So, contact him if you wish. The email is below…
Merry Christmas Greetings to you!
Remember how we talked about Dave and the young woman from your Literary Club? Well, I casually discussed the idea with Dave and he was receptive of the idea. He felt, also, Facebook might be the way to go. Although I wonder because when I check out Dave on Facebook, it’s pretty zany with lots of pics, that don’t reflect a Monk. If you were to mention, that Dave is really a mild manner guy, it’s just that he does have a lot of friends that love to take photos and communicate via cell phone photos and Facebook photos. He appears to be a real party animal . . . but he truly is a gentle soul, caring, compassionate and has a good work ethic. So no harm no foul if you wish
to pass along his email address.
p.s. I think the young woman can also contact him via Facebook . . come to think of it maybe it’s a better first impression if it’s by email, tee hee!
What would YOU do?
After much deliberation, I chose not to contact sweet Dave via Facebook. Despite his mother’s best efforts, he sounded like a Raiders’ fan. And despite everyone else’s efforts, the inevitable is that I’ll keep nudging men for football picks or fashion tips because that’s just what I do and apparently my usage of the word “fuck” is keeping me single (according to a coworker)…Woopsy daisy!
Cheers to the odd wheels out!