Why You Should Never Listen to Luke Ollett

It was 12 p.m. and I regrettably commented to Luke. “Man I wish we could’ve gone snowboarding today.” He raised one eyebrow and responded with “Who says we can’t?” Our mutual friend Dustin had called us an hour earlier raving about the freshly fallen snow, saying it was one of the best boarding days of the season. Real snow at Mountain High, the local resort that pumped the fake stuff all through the season, was kind of a big deal. It was one of those gloomy winter days that made it hard to distinguish when the sun was up or down. Freshly fallen snow was a friendly way of stating that it was a fucking blizzard up on the mountain. Not acknowledging this we grabbed our boards and headed east on the 118 freeway to Pearblossom Highway.

Contemplating the chance of driving up a windy, snowbound, icy mountain we asked our friend Peter to borrow his set of tire chains. He drove a full size Ford F150 truck, I was driving a 91 Toyota Corolla. No one did the math. We stopped at Charlie Browns, a half way point that served everything from tri-tip sandwiches to banana splits. We finished our lunch and started back on the road around 2 o’ clock. I’m not sure if it was running through his mind, but the fact that the sun in California on a January day sets at about 4:45 was racing through mine.

We turned right on Largo Vista where the green sign with white letters that read “Mtn High” and an arrow directed us. We drove steadfast up the straight away leading towards a mountain that resembled the matterhorn. The windows were shut and my radio scanned unsuccessfully for local stations. As a test Luke rolled down his window to check the temperature. A brisk wind entered the car and chilled the air, defeating the efforts my heater had been making for the past two hours. He quickly rolled it up and we continued on.

The sky got darker and darker with each turn we made, climbing up the hill. All around us was what you might call a winter wonderland, but to me it looked like we would soon be sharing the same fate as the Donner party. All the cars passing by us on their way down had chains. The first two I thought must be overly cautious. After seven or eight went by I knew we might have a problem.

Accelerate, get some speed and drive through it, Luke instructed, referring to the dark patch of ice in front of me. To the left was a family having a snowball fight near a park bench. They must have given up and decided to have a little snow-day at one of the turn around junctions. I envied their disposition and wished Luke and I could join them for a few jolly rounds of snowball throwing and angel making contests, then call it a day. Instead we pressed on and coasted through the black ice, making our way up several slow turning cliff sides, each more treacherous than the next. Luke persisted that I keep on the gas to maintain our momentum. Going around a blind left turn less than a mile away from the resort, my steering wheel and wheels stopped cooperating with each other. My dads Toyota Corolla started spinning up the hill graciously in an elegant ice skaters fashion. We stopped when we hit an embankment.

My car had turned itself sideways and was lying horizontally in the middle of a two lane road. We both say quietly not sure what to do. “Looks like we’re gonna have to use those chaaains!” Luke said as he stepped out the door and fell flat on his back. “A bit slippery?” I asked. He carefully got up while he held on to the side of the car for balance. I checked the backseat before I went out, hoping to find a pair of gloves or boots or a beanie that wasn’t packed in the trunk. No luck. I opened my car door and was greeted by a rush of cold air that pierced through my sweatshirt and jeans. I held on to the car and let myself slide down to the trunk. My hands were stiff and numb and I fumbled to get the keys out of my pocket.

“Hah-ha-have you ever pa-pah-put on chains before?” I asked Luke, my voice trembling from the cold.

“No. Have you” . . .

. . ” No.”

He reached back and pulled them out from the box. He held them up and examined them as the metal jingled and clamored in the wind. “Alright.” He said said in a confident voice. “It’s simple, we just gotta lay these out straight behind the back wheels, reverse over them and connect them here.” He pointed to an open link at the end.

After much effort trying to lay the chains behind the car and keep ourselves from sliding down the icy road, we finally had them in place. “Ok now get in the car and back it up about a foot or two.” Luke ordered. I got inside and put the key in the ignition. I put my foot on the brake pedal and released the parking break. I slowly lifted my foot off the break and my car slid uncontrollably down about ten feet. “Oooook thats good, now stop . . no STOP! . . you went to far! . . waaaayyy to far Brian!”

Trial two. Chains in place again. “Easy this time man, go very slow” he instructed. I cautiously inched the car down until I saw a thumbs up in the rear view mirror. I got out and we tried connecting the chains around the tires. Feeling like my fingers were going to fall off from frost bite I moved as quickly as possible. Luke stood outside the car while I turned the engine on and put it in drive. I accelerated on the gas and heard some clamoring of metal followed by the sound of tires spinning in place on ice. I looked at Luke who was now shaking his head in despair. For the first time it seemed like he didn’t know what to do.

“They’re way too big” he said, as I got out of the car to see what happened. “There’s no way they’re gonna stay on.”

I walked to the front of the car and looked over the cliffside we were stuck on. It was an endless sea of snow covered pine trees fading into fog. The sky was filled with dark grey clouds that looked like they were waiting for the perfect moment to hit us with a hail storm. Just on the horizon was a tiny spot of an orangish reddish color where the sun was trying to peek it’s way through. I figured we had about an hour until it was completely dark.

Just as we had given up hope we heard the crunching sound of a car making its way down the road. As it turned the corner and came into view we saw that it was a ranger. “Thank God!” I thought, “We’re saved!” Imagine the luck! The first car we come across just happened to be a ranger. We walked toward the jeep waving our arms and trying not to slip. They slowed down but didn’t stop, rolled down the window and shouted to us over the wind “You guys better move your car out of the road! You’re gonna get yourselves killed!”

We looked at each other in shock as they slowly drove away. It was getting darker and people would surely start coming down the mountain soon. We tried to slide the car as far from the road as possible. Then we decided one of us should stand at the top of the turn and warn people to slow down. Luke manned the lookout station while I walked around waving my cell phone in the air trying to find a spot where I could get service and call AAA. A black SUV was coming down the hill. They must not have been expecting to see a teenager standing in the middle of the road flailing his arms because they immediately slammed on their breaks and started sliding and spinning down the hill. They stopped when they hit my car.

Now there were three of us trying to get service and two people at the look out station. Another car shortly followed. A white truck with no chains that did the exact same thing as the SUV. Our party was quickly growing. “Nobody brought chains?” I thought to myself. “Where were all those people I saw before?” Pretty soon a young lady in a blue tercel joined us to make it a four car pile up. Luke left his station at the top to come down and check things out. There were plenty of others up there now.

I looked down the road and then turned to Luke. “Hey umm . . . what if we . . ” I looked back again. “What if we just backed the car down the road and out of the ice?” He looked at the same strip of pavement my eyes were focused on. “Hmm and then what?” he asked. “Well then we umm . . you know . . turn around and go home.” he slowly shook his head in agreement with this idea.

I got in and let go of the break while Luke gave the car a small push. Everyone in the now three car pile up watched me coast about 15 feet down where ice no longer covered the road. Luke hoped in the car, I made three point turn and we drove down the mountain leaving everyone else behind.