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Things I Remember From the Dorms

Moving to University and staying in the dorms will be a requirement for my child(ren). Take a developing teenager and remove their parents and support lines and stick them in an over crowded arena full of other people in the same situation. At eighteen, the dorms had a strong influence on the development of my character that you may know today! I thought I would go through some of the memories that I remember from the dorms so you can have a little insight as to how I became who I am.

Move in day and I meet my new roommate. We had organized that he would bring a fridge even though I told him I had one to bring. His fridge was extremely small and would hold either one bottle of captain morgan or an 18 pack pf beer. His parents were not pleased with the contents that seemed to be constant through out the year.

Spotting the good looking girls in the cafeteria, sitting down and placing my tray down, and afterwards asking if I could sit there.

I had a very artful poster depicting some naked girls with the album artwork from several of the pink floyd albums painted on their backs. I put this poster above my desk and was quite pleased with this. When the roommates parents came into the room, the mother saw the poster, and started climbing over my back and onto my desk in an effort to remove the poster. As I was sitting at the desk, unsure of what she was doing, I gently leaned into her with my shoulder until she lost balance and rolled onto a bed.

Having an absurdly large 21 inch CRT monitor (not flat screen) that weighted 74 pounds. It was old and not designed to be moved often. If disturbed, sometimes it would peer a red light at you and you knew you had no screen. The solution was to not move the screen. Late one night, with my roommate sleeping, I go to use my computer and the red light was showing indicating that my roommate had used the laptop. Drunkenly I started yelling and picking up the monitor and violently banging it around trying to fix it all the while cursing my sleeping roommate. No words were exchanged that night, but I knew there was fear instilled.

Showing up to lab way too drunk trying to help Andy and Dave on a project. I was not much use but more or less hilarious I am sure.

Finishing a huge programming assignment with Dave and Andy in my dorm room. We were on the final straight and we had decided to celebrate by drinking some captain morgan. Andy got a little too drunk and was laying on my bed. When Dave and I were not looking, Andy rolled off and fell 4 feet hard onto the ground. Our solution, duck tae him, heavily, to the bed. The situation would have looked strange to any observer as two white guys were duck taping a black guy to a bed while he was moaning and thrashing around.

Making the beds in my dorm bunk beds and leaving my roommate only 2 feet until the ceiling.

Getting in trouble for something and having the main dorms supervisor come. They looked for the help of the RA in our particular dorm, Tuy Vu, a very exotic and feisty asian girl. But when she was called to help, it was obvious that she was very high on something and was a hypocritical symbol to the entire situation.

Stealing a pizza slice from some one else in the dorm, running away to my room, and him punching a huge hole in the door. Complications ensued when time for payment came around.

Missing every single dorm meeting and coincidentally arriving for the last ten minutes (without knowing there was a meeting) either drunk, covered in something, extremely tired, or smelly.

Tray surfing.

Pat and I shooting each other with B B guns.

Pepper spraying pat.

6am practices.

Eating incredible amounts of food 5 times a day.

Walking through the drains.

Making a cave underneath my bed when my monitor finally broke permanently. I was cool.

Having sex on my bed and looking up to see my roommate peering at us from underneath his covers. He denies his activities.

My roommate sleeping in his bed. Me and someone are having sex on my bed. A couple is underneath my bed having sex and using a blanket to create their sex cave. And another couple are having sex just on the floor on the other side of the cave making blanket. All at the same time.

Putting a trojan virus on my roommates computer and disabling all his vowels on his keyboard. Or reversing the direction of his mouse. Or opening his CD tray while he is sitting at the desk and looking at it in wonder, slowly closing it and going back to work. I would do it again and the same process would repeat. He would then stop working and just stare at his CD tray waiting for it to do something. I would then open it, he would quickly try to close it, but I would close it before he could touch it. I would then open and close really quickly to taunt him to try it again. Meanwhile me and a friend are laughing hysterically, and when he looks at us and assks what is so funny, we say we are watching some video on the computer.

If anyone can think of more, please remind me…

Published inLukeUCI