I Feel Aged

I am still a young man, I turn only twenty-eight next year. Yet an accumulation of observations has led me to conclude that I am officially feeling aged. Please don’t think I consider myself old in any way, but rather the changes about myself and my lifestyle have converged to make me acutely aware that I am leaving my youth.

The most obvious changes are physical; I have found a few gray hairs on my head (although thankfully the mange is still thick). These don’t bother me at all, and I would like to think I’ll be an elderly man who embraces my body’s deterioration with style – as opposed to pathetically trying to look young when I’m not. However, I do lament my lessened ability to drink and stand hang-overs. Having trained with the best at the University of California Santa Barbara, I not only enjoyed drinking, but I had prided myself on my impressive intake. In my early twenties I’d stay up all night merry-making and easily function at work or school the next day. But something clicked around twenty-five; the hang-overs got unbearably painful, and continue to do so. My father had never drunk with me because of hang-overs, and now I am beginning to understand why.

Some changes are perceptional and emotional. Time passes quicker – I know it’s cliché but Ill be damned if it isn’t true. It does make mathematical sense; every year becomes a smaller percentage of our lives the more years we add, giving us the perception that they are less than those before them. I also feel the need to give young people advice. When a family member or student that I am particularly fond of is at some crossroads or is presented some opportunity I enthusiastically start recommending; study abroad!, learn an instrument!, live away from home!, learn languages!, go to university!, etcetera. All are a combination of things I’ve done and things I wish I’d done. I wonder if I am convincing at all. Finally, I have a paternalistic/nesting impetus brewing within me. I find children cuter than before. Having a family is actually something I think about now, whereas I previously hadn’t even considered it, as it was rightfully relegated to the distant future. Relatedly, I’d been keen to keep my possessions minimal as to ensure mobility and freedom. But recently I have been coveting cookware and other household objects.

I haven’t given up on my youth completely, oh don’t worry. There is plenty of drink and travel left in this late-twenties-ager. But I imagine that my life will continue the inevitable and welcome change: I think the key point is to remember that acceptance of maturity should not equate to submission to the drudgery of life. We should still make a point to enjoy, explore, and think. But I guess you need free time to do that – my kids are leaving the house at eighteen.

-Charles P. Pearson